Drunk Texting

You ran up to both of them and shouted 'give him a choke slam' You watch to much wrestling.

Im trying this new diet. You just drink alcohol!

The guy already had a 12 pack of miller ready when he saw me pull up lol.

Hes skinny so it appears his dick is big

Yea well you were trying to open the screen door for 30 seconds then realized it was open

Is it wrong to throw coins at homeless people and watch them run after it?

Sent-Lets get drunk then go to the golf course and rent the golf carts again

Recieved-We cant, were still banned from last time

We went to both and you had a kebab and then a big mac meal. So much for dieting

Youre not the only drunk driver. Theres one car thats taking up 4 spaces lol

She is a slut, I just want to take a pin and pop her fake tits